For most of us who are a sucker for happy endings, we always fall in-love with the idea of love, romance and forever.

The profound feeling of loving someone and being loved in return is intoxicating in a way that can make or unmake a person. Or even make or unmake a country.

We are also inspired by the greatest love stories of all time. Admittedly, I am enthralled with the stories of Romeo and Juliet, Cleopatra and Mark Anthony, Paris and Helena, Odysseus and Penelope, Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip.

But those are their love stories. Not yours or mine. And while we live in the fantasy of romance, you and me, will have a different love stories to write in each of our realities.

I commend so much those couples who can surpass their 7th year wedding anniversary. A good old friend of mine once said that “if you survive your marriage in its 7th year without killing each other, then you are good to survive the rest of your marriage years”.

Those who reach their silver or golden anniversary are quite admirable.

But beyond the romanticism of love there are also painful realities on some married couples. With varied reasons and causes, there are really marriages that will never work.

It can be extreme difference of personalities, behaviors and values that we’re discovered upon living together. Others may be financial factors, nosy in-laws and relatives, physical abuse and violence and other traumatic events that can affect the bond of marriage.

At this time and age, there are too many factors that can shatter a marriage to the point of having a dysfunctional family. And sadly, our existing laws are no longer responsive enough to the needs of the present day generation of married couples and families.

Once in a while I hear stories of a battered wife staying in the marriage for the sake of her children. Or the cases of behaviorally challenged children who grew up in a dysfunctional family. 

There is also the case of mentally and psychologically unsound husband who is too ashamed to get out of his marriage and admit that he is a battered man. 

The worst story of all is to hear a child physically abused by a stepfather and the mother have to go through the long and expensive process of getting an annulment.

What makes our situation tough is that we live in a “highly Catholic society” that still misjudge and gossips about a man or woman who has a broken marriage. The perennial hypocrisy among Christians of having a “perfect marriage”.

As far as I know, inflicting violence and abuse to anyone is an inhumane act and definitely not a Christian way.

Somehow we root for the passage of House Bill 100 or the Absolute Divorce Bill authored by Albay Representative Edcel Lagman which opens a new option for a man or woman to address their dilemma on marriage.

The House committee, in the previous week, even approved three measures to legalize divorce in the Philippines thereby consolidating house bills 100, 838 and 2263 through a technical working group before the plenary discussion.

As emphasized by Rep. Lagman, “divorce is not a monster that will destroy marriages and wreck marital relationships” but CIBAC Party-list Rep. Bro. Eddie Villanueva expressed his opposing view that the approved measure will only makes marriage “cheap” as the grounds used as bases for divorce are unfavorable for strengthening families.

So the debate of legalizing divorce in the Philippines continues. Whether it is the current house bills or not, we really expect that our lawmakers will eventually come up with a law that is pro-poor and will address troubled marriages in the country.

While we await for a “divorce law” let us bear in mind that honoring the vow of “for better or worse till death do us part” is a choice that a particular married man or a woman must make. And it needs an utmost courage to stay in or out of it.#

The post [OPINION] On love, marriage and divorce first appeared on Iloilo Metropolitan Times.

In Philippines, the first quarter of the year is considered to be the best time to travel. One can enjoy island hopping without suffering much from the scorching heat of the sun since we still get cooler air in the months of January and February.

What can dampen the travel escapade though is when a fellow tourist brings with him or her a viral disease.

I was on travel to Boracay Island when I read the headline news on three Chinese nationals, who were suspected to have 2019-nCOV, were quarantined in Kalibo International Airport.
The sudden feeling of fear from a deadly virus is inevitable to any human being. Oftentimes, the initial behavioral response of a Filipino to fear is utter a silent prayer to be safe and not to bring home any virus that will put any members of the family in danger.

I believe in the adage that “prevention is better than cure”, so when traveling, I always packed my bag with necessary personal protective items. But then, I was not really prepared from the sudden overwhelming feeling of fear when few minutes after boarding the motorboat going to Boracay, a group of rowdy Chinese tourists also boarded. 

I somehow panicked and hurriedly put on a mask. Which, later on, I find to be an awkward moment, since it’s a bit too late for me to wear the mask. I shrugged off the situation and said to myself, hopefully the Chinese were not virus carriers.

After a week, the 2019-nCov outbreak in Wuhan, China worsens with the increasing number of death toll. The World Health Organization (WHO) Situation Report (SitRep) 13 dated Feb 2, 2020 provides that, globally, there are already 2,604 new cases recorded in the last 24 hours out of the 14,557 confirmed cases. 

WHO SitRep 13 also recorded a total of 304 deaths in China and the scariest fact for us is that, out of the 23 other affected countries, the first death outside China is in the Philippines.

So now, there’s this observed behavior among Filipinos of a growing “hatred” and “prejudice” to anything that is perceived to be “Chinese”. 

I think the seemingly recent “xenophobic” behavior or attitude of Filipinos towards Chinese can be traced back from the time when China started to lay claim in our islands and encroached our territorial waters. Next, is the influx of Chinese workers in the Philippines which takes away local job opportunities for Filipinos. And now, a deadly virus that harms our citizens? 

There are others who already think of a possible China conspiracy theory that the virus was intentionally released to the public to test a new Chinese pharmaceutical product as its cure.

A friend of mine in Cebu shared that, a group of Koreans touring within Cebu City brings with them a placard that says, “We Are Koreans, Not Chinese” so that they will not be subjected to repugnance, ill-comments or hatred.

It may sound a bit “racist”, unfair and discriminatory to other Chinese nationals who mean us no harm. Not to mention that we have a huge number of Filipino-Chinese living in our country.

Pardon for the prevailing strong stance of uncongenial attitude to anything or anyone that is perceived to be Chinese at moment. However, its a common reaction of the masses when their normal safe situation is threatened by a certain nationality or event. When the masses are not properly informed on what to do to protect themselves. When the government fall-short in putting in-place emergency measures to keep its citizens from further harm. Or when the citizens have a very low trust to the government and the society in general.

On the other hand, this prejudism could have been lessened or avoided.

A few years ago, I was living in South Korea when the MERs-COV outbreak happened. I was impressed on the prompt response of the government to call an emergency meeting of its key leaders and issue a travel ban in the onset of the outbreak. 

Protective health measures are given to all the people, both local and foreign, within Korea so that the spread of the virus will be contained immediately and appropriate cure will be given to those infected. Of course, deaths are unavoidable especially for those persons who have a very low immune system but with the responsiveness of everyone to take positive action, the situation is appropriately controlled in a short period of time.

Another impressive action of the Korean government is that they tap immediately the cooperation of the media network and entities through a press conference so that all reporters will spread the news and notify the general public on the right and necessary information about the outbreak and how to protect themselves from getting infected. 

The media, are very objective, and becomes an ally on dealing with the emergency situation. They ensure that the right information from the government is relayed to the public.

Negative political overtures are also put aside by the media so that the focus of the public is to protect themselves from the virus rather than joining the bandwagon of opposing political agenda and the grapevine political issues and gossips. 

How I wish that we could also do the same in the Philippines. If we can’t, since we have a totally different system of government and different culture and values, then at least, we should somehow stop making fake information that can create chaos or panic among our citizens. Or how about stop wasting time in making or sharing “meme” that promotes hatred and prejudism to another race? Seriously, there are much pressing concerns that we need to address at this trying times of a virus outbreak. Let’s put our heads and hands together in making a united stand as a nation to protect our families and the people in the Philippines.#

The post [OPINION] Growing Xenophobia first appeared on Iloilo Metropolitan Times.

Begin to make new things to uplift our lives. New projects to venture. New learnings to take. New partnerships to foster. 

Though our holidays were challenged by typhoon and quake, I always admire the resiliency of the Filipinos to stand up and survive. They even flash you with a big smile while they are in the middle of a waist-deep floodwater. 

Others can even afford to laugh while retelling their experiences during the typhoon which turns a disastrous event into one hell of an adventure.

Amid the smiles and laughter, we are still faced with the reality that lives were lost, homes were destroyed, and livelihoods were ruined.

So, we begin 2020 with a mission to rehabilitate and recover.

I don’t want to call it “unfortunate”, but our country’s geographic location makes the Philippines one of the most exposed country in the world to tropical storms.

Approximately 20 tropical cyclones enter the Philippine area of responsibility every year. Ten of which will be typhoons and four to five will landfall and devastate the country. 

Contemplating about these facts only means one thing, storm or typhoon is a constant part in our lives and that we have to learn to live with it.

Since it is part of our lives, policymakers, planners and implementers, both the national and local level, must ensure to integrate the disaster risks reduction (DRR) measures in formulating policies, local plans, programs and projects.

Yes, there are existing national laws and local policies on DRR. National, Regional and Local Disaster Risk Reduction Management Councils are also established. And yet, we remain to be less prepared or unprepared every time there is a disaster.

Is the lack of preparedness on the side of the government or on the side of the citizens?

As the cliché goes, “it takes two to tango”.

I believe, the government, as mandated, have done their part of providing the necessary measures to prepare us in times of calamities. 

Compared to two or three decades ago, under different administrations, the government in general, have gone a long way in shaping up and improving their performance in terms of putting in place appropriate programs and projects to lessen our vulnerabilities to disasters and of providing necessary assistance in the aftermath of calamities.

So, how about us, the citizens? What have we done to reduce the risks and to lessen the cost of lives in times of calamities?

Generally, the behavior of the people is to complain and blame the government in times of calamities. Everything is government’s fault.

But hey, have anyone of us even reflected that, we contribute too to the success and failures in preparing ourselves to face calamities.

People oftentimes fail to listen to the instructions of the government to evacuate their homes despite that their area is identified to be disaster prone. Some even have the attitude of totally disregarding government’s instructions and warnings. 

There are those who continue to violate rules and illegally cut trees that leave our green lush forested mountains into barren chocolate landscape.

Along with Filipinos resiliency, we have the perennial bad behavior of stubbornness to follow rules and lack of discipline. 

To face the battle against natural calamities, we need both the government and the people to work together to ensure that no lives will be lost and that damages to our homes and livelihoods will be reduced.

I believe the key to have a better and stronger 2020 and beyond is to strengthen the people in each barangay by instilling again the values on discipline and cooperation. Empower and mobilize them to be responsible and better citizens by implementing values transformation programs in the barangay level.

Remember that in every “right” that we enjoy in this democratic country, there is an equal responsibility that we need to do as citizens to ensure that we were able to protect, preserve and save our country for our future generations.#

The post [OPINION] Stronger and better 2020 and beyond first appeared on Iloilo Metropolitan Times.

Despite the many challenges that we have to face, day after day, within the year, we never fail to celebrate a beautiful Christmas holiday.

Just like the lyrics of the song “A Perfect Christmas” by Jose Mari Chan, sparkling lights indeed are all over town. Colorful decorative lights in various forms and shapes adorn most of the town plazas from north to south of Iloilo. 

Here in the city proper, the capitol grounds are brightly lit in beautiful hues as the scent of freshly cooked street food permeates the air.

Christmas carols are also heard from a distance which add more meaning to the celebratory atmosphere in the city. 

Families also come together to attend the famous simbang gabi tradition and after the mass is an early morning food treat of a hot bibingka or puto bumbong.

Christmas shopping is one big get-together event too for families at this time of the year. Filipino families, rich or poor, always find ways to buy some gifts.

While established stores and huge malls create so many Christmas promotions and discounted offerings to entice customers, the small shops and informal stores in Calle Real also have their own gimmicks to maintain their loyal customers.

Christmas for all of us symbolizes love, peace and hope for our country. So, in our own little ways, we find the value of gift giving, no matter how big or small, as a form of sharing the blessings to families, friends, colleagues, neighbors and other communities.

It is also a form of expressing our love and deep appreciation to people who, in one way or another, have touched our lives.

However, it is also inevitable that the spirit of giving on Christmastime is also dampened by those who resort to “begging”, thereby, taking advantage of the holiday season to approach people and ask various donations to unheard of organizations.

It is very rampant, nowadays, that while walking on the street, or strolling by the plaza an individual will approach you and give you a white envelope asking for money. 

There are even individuals in Jaro area, who will hitch a ride in jeepneys and simply distribute the white envelopes expecting that you return it to them with bills. 

I feel disheartened sometimes when a huge and strong-looking male or healthy-looking female will distribute their envelopes to students and senior citizens asking for money as gifts for them, when physically, they are more capable of doing decent work to earn money. 

Personally, I can’t help being suspicious about it, especially, when they just give you a blank envelope with no name of their organization or who they are, or where they come from.

For a typical worker, who works hard, 8 hours a day to earn money in order to buy the basic need of your family, it is quite harassing to experience such situation.

Our old folks always say, “kabubut-on ang paghatag”. It takes a strong heart for an individual to turn his or her cheek to the other side just to say “no” for those who are asking for alms in Christmastime.

So, it is such a shame, that there are those people, who use Christmas gift-giving as an excuse, to earn easy money. The so-called “culture of begging” among Filipinos.

Knowing that they exist, we need to make a tough stand to say “no” so that the likes of them will never proliferate in the city and in the country.#

The post [OPINION] Spirit of Giving or Begging? first appeared on Iloilo Metropolitan Times.

The jeepney is indeed a level-up public utility vehicle and it just goes to show that we are embracing innovations and change as we geared towards becoming a smart city.

We are known for our ingenuity and Filipinos have invented jeepneys way before the Americans landed on the moon. 

Philippine jeepney invention began as early as 1945 out of the leftovers of the US military jeeps from World War II. The most famous is “sarao”, designed by Leonardo Sarao, which is dubbed as the “King of the Road”. Its unique and attractive design shows the rich and colorful Philippine culture which awed the international viewers when it was exhibited in the Philippine pavilion at the 1964 New York World’s Fair.

Jeepney, in a way, becomes a “trademark image” of foreigners about Philippines. Every time I travelled abroad the top three symbol that the foreigners will mention to me about the Philippines are jeepney, the song “Anak” and the boxer “Pacquiao”.

So, yes, I enjoy the new air-conditioned jeepney but I can’t seem to imagine the future of the city or the Philippines, in general, without our traditional jeepney, an iconic symbol on how great the Filipinos are as inventors and innovators. 

Another thing to note when it comes to jeepney is the Filipino courtesy between driver and passenger or passenger and other passenger. 

My generation grows up in the days, that when we ride a jeepney we have to be courteous to fellow passengers. We move aside to give space to another passenger. When a passenger comes and carrying lots of bags, we help them load it up and put it properly in the middle of the jeepney. We give way to senior citizens and PWDs to take the corner seat. We always say “palihog” or “please” to request a fellow passenger to take and pass our fare to the driver. 

On the part of the driver, they are always considerate to ensure that the passengers are seated well before driving the jeepney to course. They are also conscious on stopping properly in the loading / unloading sign so that passengers can safely get down the jeepney. Some jeepney drivers will play FM radio stations to provide music entertainment to the passengers.

Courteousness is a Filipino value that is inculcated within us for common good.

However, for the past five or more years, it is really noticeable how Filipino behavior have changed which is quite odd for we definitely have improved our education system to hone better citizens of the country.

There will never be a day, when a passenger will just rudely say only “bayad” or ”bayad ko” without even saying please. 

Most often these are coming from high school or college students who are busy tinkering their phones once they are inside the jeepney and they are too busy to be bothered by the word “please”. Others will just give you their fare without even uttering a word at all for they assume that you will just take it and pass it to the driver. 

There are instances too that the passengers, young and old, are lounging inside the jeepney as if they are the only passengers. They sit with outstretched legs and will never move aside their feet to make way for other passengers. It’s really tempting to stomp on their feet. The others don’t even care at all to make way for senior citizens or PWDs. 

The drivers also have different stories. A huge “no smoking” sign is displayed inside the jeepney and here comes the driver of the jeepney smoking at the front.
There are some drivers who still plays music, but it is no longer to entertain but basically to explode the passenger’s eardrum. 

Worst are the drivers who cannot even wait for their passenger to sit down before stepping on their gear and the poor passenger falls flat on the jeepney’s floor.
Most of the times we simply shrug off the situation but this is our present day reality. Our known Filipino courtesy in riding a jeepney is dying. 

I think it’s high time that we reflect on the deteriorating Filipino values in our society and find ways to address this in terms of strengthening the inculcation of Filipino values in our family and in our basic education system.#

The post [OPINION] The Dying Courtesy in Riding a Jeepney first appeared on Iloilo Metropolitan Times.

Of course, our provincial government responded immediately by discussing what are the social welfare programs that can possibly help the youths to prevent them from committing suicides. There are also the advocacy activities to promote health and mind wellness, emergency hotlines, mental health awareness programs, and even the creation of Mental Health Board.

I am neither a psychologist nor a psychiatrist. but seriously, does anyone really know, what pushes a person, young or old, to commit suicide? Once a suicide case is heard, people tend to assume that causes can be heartaches, drugs, depression, mental illness, not living up to the expectations of family, and so on and so forth.

As spectator or mere reader of news, we have a long list of assumptions on the possible causes of suicide. Yet, the mystery of the true cause continues for we cannot ask anymore the dead person why he or she committed such act.

Then family members or investigators will search for the suicide note to resolve the mystery.

They say, that the line between sanity and insanity is only a hairline but suicide cases happen not as a spur of the moment idea. Personally, I believe, it takes processing and even careful planning of an individual on how they will do it, where to do it, and when to do it.

The answer to the “why” part of the suicide act is often expressed in a suicide note, if, there is a note. If not, then it was also part of the plan not to leave a note.

I happen to know someone who committed suicide, and bless her soul, until now I cannot forget the manner on how she did it. There is a certain creative safety conditioning that she has to set among her friends, family, peers and students so that no one will suspects that something was “wrong” with her or that she was going through a certain level of depression. She puts a very happy façade and then shocked us by jumping from the third floor of the school building leaving behind one stem of red rose and a pair of her black shoes at the third floor balcony.

Some of those who knew her said, that maybe she was living in a too perfect and happy world that she cannot stand a single mistake in her life. There are those who said she was heartbroken due to the picture of a man that was discovered between her hands.

No one knew the truth behind the suicide, but I have witnessed the grief of the parents who lost their daughter and who cannot even forgive themselves for not knowing what was going on with their daughter.

Another unforgettable suicide case that shocked the world was the one committed by Razorback drummer who even had the courage to air it live on Facebook.

With the too many things that are happening around us, from home to school, to work, to hanging out with friends, to reading newsfeed on various social media platforms, to simply eating your favorite ice cream or to singing your favorite song in the videoke bar, the big question remains, “how do we keep ourselves sane?”

In the words of the famous “Girl, Interrupted” Susanna Kaysen, “sometimes the only way to stay sane is to go a little crazy”. Like, laughing big and loud to things that make you happy. Crying your heart out to things that caused you pain. Shaving your head bald because you are bored with having a long hair. Eating the foulest food because your friends said its delicious. Join the Amazing Race so you can prove to the world that you have the crazy guts to do it.

Too many crazy and fun things to do to stay sane but never, ever, dare to commit suicide.

Bottom line is no matter what health programs, how much budget the government will spend, or how many mental health awareness projects to implement, the choice and decision to stay alive remains in “you”.

Next thing to look into is the value system within our family or home. Family is a basic unit of the society and it is our primary source of moral support. Thus, good value system should emanate from our home to raise emotionally and intellectually strong and better individuals for our country.

Filipinos are known in the world as a “happy and loving” race but we need also to brace ourselves to the global changes that affects the value system of a happy Filipino family.

Amid the many chaos that is happening in our world, there are still a lot of meaningful and worthy reasons to live. As they say, life is beautiful, and indeed, it is still beautiful. So, let us spread the positive thoughts and celebrate life, every breathing second of it.#

The post [OPINION] Suicide Note first appeared on Iloilo Metropolitan Times.