I have known one person who loves her children, just that she was born and built differently. She is half Japanese, half Filipino and my hunch is that, she would be defined as  “weird” based on the Filipino standard of motherhood.

In traditional homes, moms are expected to wake up early, cook for the family whose spouse prepares for work and children go to school. A nanay is somebody who would nurture her kids with care from infancy or even until adulthood. But, this woman I know was not really given the opportunity to raise hers in a healthy home. She lost her husband while pregnant with her seventh. She had to go abroad to make a living and somehow send support to her children who were all studying, although along the way she lost her direction, young as she became a widow, that she forgot what priorities actually are, because she didn’t even grow in a pure Filipino environment and had no concrete experience of a real mother care.

We thought she became astray because she didn’t even bother to check on her children under the custody of their grandmother. With her absence as they grew, her children at first felt forsaken, unwanted and unloved. They really could not understand how a mother couldn’t feel an ounce of devotion for the people she once carried for 9 months. But then, confused as her children have been, they did not judge or hate her. Deep inside, they could still recall a woman who was really good at cooking “Dinuguan & adobo.”

As the children had the chance to stay under her roof in Japan after years of separation, she would prepare special dishes for them, or would bring home meals late night from work. She would spoil them with whatever she had and wouldn’t even speak any ill. All that you could hear from her are praises of her children and of how proud she has been as a mother.

Then one day, she got really sick. She developed a chronic kidney disease, and had episodes of cardiac attacks. Her children argued  a lot of the most necessary steps and decisions, but agreed on one thing— to give her the best healthcare. She is without a doubt blessed because at the end of the day, the children have chosen to accept and embrace her traits and uniqueness unconditionally, raised with learnings from a granny that a family—no matter how imperfect, no matter how hurt, should protect  and care for each other, because things happen with a purpose. She knew first hand, that her children would surely grow well-educated and have a better future under their paternal grandmother.

Then there’s this child who also tried to fight by her side during her life battle and knew that she would likewise give all her might so the mother would live. However, she hid away and turned her back in the most crucial moment, for her heart couldn’t handle to watch a mother tucked with a life support tube to sustain her lungs in an intensive care unit, as death is her greatest fear. She trusted her Mom would be in good hands with her other siblings who have been monitoring her and taking care of her. Then came that feeling the child was so embarrassed and didn’t know how to reconnect and explain why she assured to be there for her at first but without any sign disappeared, when most needed.

That unique child— is me.

Now, I understand why my Mom did what she did. My heart is as weak as the one who gave me life, when the people we love are the subject. However, as wise as she was that we will all turn out as fine adults with our Lola, I was also as confident, my siblings would give their best shots for her, as I keep on praying for her continuous recovery and getting updates from a far.

In fact, our Mama has given birth to women with wonderful families— the type of moms who would hope to live longer, just so their children could grow with support and protection by their side.

Motherhood is complicated when pictured in totally different situations and most people are too quick to judge in a negative manner because of the so called standards and culture.

But, LOVE- expressed in multitude ways is subjective. So does — how we have known our Mom. She is her own person, as her circumstances in life. And this Mother’s month, she deserves to know that she is beautiful, special, valued and appreciated, her children would breakdown losing her. God knows.